Mom of My Dreams

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

One little word

This year has had its ups and downs...And "open" - my one little word for 2011 has served me well. I succeeded in my goal of running a half marathon in July. I stress fractured my big toe in the process. I found some awesome supplements to help me reign in the anxiety and negative thoughts that always manage to creep into my head. We made the decision to move forward with walking away from this house.

Even though our credit score will most likely be eviscerated in the process... It's the right decision at this time. Just like purchasing the house was the right decision at that time.

The realization that happiness is once and for all realizable and tangible, and doesn't come from anything bought in a store. Square footage is as much a blight as a blessing. The next order of business is finding a place, and starting over. And we are not looking back.

The next place will be about family photos framed on the wall, and attempting to make a home from a rented house. (thank you Feist!)

Slowing down. Continuing my journey to get fitter and healthier... Physically and mentally. We all deserve as much. I mean a weight that begins with a "1" isn't a bad place to start. I was there for a short while... And now I find myself about 8 pounds away. I realize this place (geographically and more) is a huge barrier to my happiness. I NEED to be within a few miles of the ocean. Early morning or evening runs along the shore without having to be hyper-aware of my surroundings. I want to have lunch with my husband several days a week. To go to the Farmers Market weekly again... To pop into Trader Joe's and not be concerned about my frozen things thawing on the drive home.

These simple things... Like spending more time creating and less spent driving. More photographs taken and less worry lines created.

Simplifying, decluttering - starting fresh and clean. I am SO looking forward to it all. New routines, not taking my surroundings for granted. All of it. Future Plans. Like running the 2nd half of the SF Marathon this summer in the time allotted, and fracture-free. But that's just icing, right? :)

My one little word for 2012 is "transform." And I already like the direction things are headed.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Oh, hey there...

So I've been considering trying to you know... Actually start blogging again. And maybe even stay with it? Ha! Guess we will see. ;)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

13.1 Baby!

So, I'm alive... and it's August. So, that means the half-marathon didn't kill me. I wish I could say I did fantastically. But, that would be a lie. I didn't do fantastically. My time was 3:21:08. So, yeah, 21:08 over the 3 hour course limit... but I finished. And I'm pretty damned proud of that fact. And the hills. Oh, dear Lord... the hills. They Kicked. My. Ass. Especially the one going up to the GG Bridge. The bridge was amazing, of course... I knew it would be. That's why I picked the 1st Half (The harder half, with 30 minutes less time to finish than the 2nd half.)

The start time was brutal, considering we had to drive across from the East Bay. We left my in-laws at 3:45. Holy early ass, Batman.

I did walk in parts, especially when the hills were OMG ouch, and the last 3 miles seemed to go on, and on, and ON!! So, yeah, most likely, if I'd taken fewer bathroom breaks, and less pictures, I could have finished within the limit. But you know what? I'm glad I did take pictures. And, having to pee sucks. So, I honestly don't think I would change anything if I had it to do over again.

And I WILL do it over again. Next year. :)

Friday, June 24, 2011

Keep on running....

I assure you... all two of you who actually read this irregular-disaster of a "blog"... I am still very much alive and well...

I have thrown myself in the 1/2 Training - well, the short version here (and not so faithfully cross-training BAD ME!)I got up at the ass crack of dark o'clock (4:45am) to run my 3 miles today. I was up at 6:00am to run 5 miles last Saturday before heading up to my in-laws. I am doing 6 miles this Sunday (rounding it to an even 10k) Speaking of... I am thinking of running the Spreckles 10k on the 4th of July. The only thing keeping me from registering is that I'm not sure if Jeff's off that day yet. I bought a pair of Vibram Bikilas but I have still yet to wear them for more than a mile.

I am absolutely terrified of the hills. I need to go run up AND down some very soon. I am under no illusions that training on the 'mill is far from optimal when you're looking at a course fraught with hills. Way to pick the HARDEST 1/2 for your first one, Christine. Overachiever. :P

Also, have been faithfully doing the "Green monster" smoothies for the last week. I really think they are helping a lot along with the exercise... my mood is stabilizing once again. I'm also spending a lot more time outside with Ashley during the week out and about. Travis has been going to day camp every weekday but Tuesdays. Next week it's 5 days. It's pleasant - except for all the driving - but I am pretty much used to it by now. Being out all the time, I'm largely neglecting my house, and all that entails but that's kind of how it has to be for now.

I wonder when(?) if(?) I will ever consider myself a true "runner" rather than someone who is just running. Is there a magic moment where the drudgery just falls completely away? I am feeling it bit by bit. I put my headphones in, and crank up my playlist, and I know that no one is going to bug me for the next however many miles. I enjoy that part, immensely.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My timing is amazing, as always.

So, I ran 6 miles last Sunday with only a couple of blisters, walked away from a fender bender last Monday unscathed... and then.... Tuesday I twisted my stupid ankle/hurt my foot. I was coming into the house after the sprinklers had watered outside... and slid on our tile entry. With bags of groceries in my hands... Ugh. No gym last week, and it still is a bit tender right at the top of my foot near my outer ankle bone (right foot)so GREAT!! Next weekend we are off to Disney and WALKING A LOT... and when we get back I will embark on the HOLY CRAP 1/2 MARATHON on JULY 31st freakout Training Plan. (patent pending)

Pray for my soul... if you're into that type of thing.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Certifiably insane

Ok... I really suck at blogging...

Sunday I ran (ok... ran and walked) my first 10K with my sister-in-law. I had a bunch of issues... pants falling down, side cramp, bunching socks, toe locked up, toe cramped, had to pee at mile 4 with no bathroom in sight. iPhone died with 1.4 mile left. But despite it all, we prevailed. I wasn't as fast as I wanted to be, and I walked more than I would have liked... but I finished, and I wasn't last. So that counts for something, right?

Chip Time: 1:25:14
Clock Time: 1:25:59
Total Pace: 13:44/Mile

So my goals between now and the 1/2 marathon in July... improve my stamina, find socks, lose 10 pounds (AT LEAST!!) Weight is slowly creeping back on me... around 10 pounds worth in the last few months... a combination of slacking off with the tracking food, and the Pill, and I want to get rid of it. So, I need to buckle down and Just Do It. ;)

Which leads me too.... I applied for the Nike Women's Marathon lottery... and my name got picked. Yes, I am taking on 26.2 in October. I think I am certifiably insane at this point. I also still need to register for the Big Sur 1/2 Marathon in November(which I will be doing with non-runners - so much walking will happen!)

A year ago I was a non-runner... and also 30 pounds heavier. In 2011 I have run a 5K, a 3K with Travis, a 10K, and have two 1/2 marathons and a full marathon to go in the next 6 months. I honestly don't even enjoy running that much (YET!) .... meaning I'm not to the point of considering myself a "runner" - rather simply someone who "runs". I wonder when of if that will change?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Obviously different from her brother.

I just heard the sound of water running in the bathroom.

Me: "Ashley, what are you doing, honey? Come out of the bathroom."

Ashley: "I'm just washing my hands because I touched my 'bagina.'"


Saturday, February 12, 2011


Well, I missed a certified letter the other day... so we're going to have to go to our ghetto-ass Post Office to get it. I'm certain it's the formal letter from our lender demanding payment. So, we're looking at moving (probably) in the next 3 months. I suppose, it could be longer... but assuming shorter is probably a good thing.

I'm relieved, anxious, and excited. "There's no place like home." Can't wait to be back.

In other news, I started a diuretic last week... and besides peeing 11,000 times a day, no ill-effects. This is good for a couple of reasons

1. I have lost a couple of pounds just from the water weight.

2. It's a sulfa-based drug, and we were trying it out - I have had a previous reaction to sulpha in the past. So, this opens the door to try the other medications my doctor wanted me to take, but couldn't due to the sulpha-allergy concerns.

In other news, I'm running a 5K tomorrow morning... I did it on the treadmill the other day, and am feeling good, so, yay.

Ready to go out with the family and enjoy the sunshine.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Well that sucked.

The new medication caused a list of side effects within a very short time. Stomach cramps, joint pain, numbness in my hands and feet, itching like crazy. So, nope. Tomorrow I go in for another appointment and hopefully start something else that won't make me feel like utter crap.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A healthy mama is a happy mama

I broke down and joined a gym. I figure... I am NOT going to be able to train for a half-marathon if I can't even get 1/2 mile in before Ashley freaks out in the jogger. So, I got on a month-to-month agreement with a gym 3 minutes from home... and went Tuesday night. I was planning on going yesterday, but I had to fast for some bloodwork until 11:30am... meaning no caffeine either. Oh, the day-long headache that ensued. :( On that note, I am going to cut down on caffeine as well.

My triglycerides are "BEAUTIFUL!" (52) according to my doctor. YAY olive oil! And my HDL (59) and LDL (76) are ok, a little tiny bit higher than optimal... so he wants me to eat more fish/take fish oils (I was taking fish oils for a long time, and then they started to make me feel icky)

I am starting a new medication for BP (a calcium-channel blocker) and gradually getting off of the Labetalol I have been on since I was only 6 weeks pregnant with Ashley. My cardiologist thinks once I start exercising regularly again, I will drop more weight, and my BP will stay down longer, and hopefully I can get off of meds completely.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


We have been doing well with the weaning.... Ashley has asked (especially in the middle of the night/early morning) to nurse. I have gently reminded her that there's no more nursing. I was lucky, too... we went up to my in-laws' last night. Also, my mother-in-law (who is awesome!) watched the kids so we could actually go out. The bedtime routine sans-nursing was something I was dreading. She went right to sleep for her. :)

We had a great evening. We went out for drinks, dinner, and a movie... and we really needed the break together.

But today has been really, really rough. Tantrums, meltdowns, freak-outs. And I'm sad for her, for us, for the end of this nursing relationship. Even though I know it's time, and with her there is NO other way than this....also, I have recently started new medication (Nuvaring) and will be starting another for my blood pressure, and it just needs to happen now. Nursing is something my body has been doing for 6 years. There were only a few months between when Travis weaned and when Ashley was born. My body never stopped making milk... it just changed back to colostrum.

So, the between the guilt for the abruptness/breastfeeding hormones/Nuvaring already messing with my hormones.... it's hitting me hard too, and I have been sensitive and tearful all afternoon.

I'm sure it gets easier, and better... and the next couple of weeks are going to be challenging as we both adjust. I just honestly had no idea I'd feel this fragile. I can only imagine how she feels. :(

Saturday, January 29, 2011

End of an Era

Tonight I made a decision. I read the kids their story, and tucked them into bed. Ashley was fidgety, and not wanting to go to sleep. We played musical beds for a bit, and she popped up and wanted back next to me.

I took her in my arms and rubbed her sweet face and ruffled her curly hair. "Ashley lovey, this is the last time we're going to nurse."

She looked at me, puzzled. "the milkies are all gone?"

"Yes, sweetie. You're a big girl now, and almost 3. Mommy will always snuggle with you, though. I love you."

She nodded, understanding. "I want to nurse one more time."

So, she did. She curled up in my arms. She patted my breast, and absently pulled at my tanktop. She snuggled into me for the odd-thousandth time, perhaps.

She nursed, and I felt her breathing regulate. She started to drop off to sleep and unlatch. Then she re-positioned herself in her sleep and nursed some more.

I kissed her hair, my arm encircling her head. I inhaled the sweet smell of my pre-schooler, committing this moment to memory.

I listened to the music on in the background and relished the calm and quiet. Then I fell asleep next to my sweet little girl.

~ Christine

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Potty Talk

I have been trying to get Ashley to agree to use the potty. She is sooo damned smart... yet so damned stubborn. We have the potties, the panties, the pull-ups, the books, the videos. We talk about it ALL THE TIME. She sits, and sits, and sits. And, nothing. Then, as soon as I put underwear or a Pull-up on her - without fail, she goes. It's so frustrating... but then again what isn't about this child? :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Slow going...

We starting sorting through the chaos that is our garage this weekend... wow. Just wow. We have accumulated so much STUFF!! Honestly, some of it isn't even ours... we're storing a bunch of stuff for my mom and Jeff's sister. Also, a ton of baby equipment that will be re-homed between Jeff's cousin due in March with a baby boy, as well as our good friends finding out they are newly expecting.

Even cardboard boxes from both TVs, and such we've saved in case they need to be returned... all broken down and will be taken to the dump. This move is going to suck and be amazing at the same time...

I checked out a friend of a friend's house for rent a couple of weeks ago. It was very cute, and cozy... but had some flaws. The most obvious isn't a flaw, really. It is available NOW. We are... well...not.

Also, the kitchen storage and counters (or lack thereof) - yeah. I think the kitchen for me is the #1 place I spend time. So, it's really important that that room be substantial. I know I am not going to find anywhere with as many drawers and cabinets as I have now...not to mention the island with the power plug. Sigh.

But honestly... it's all secondary to THIS! (drop down to "show 100")

Near daily homicides, attempted homicides, robberies... it's just insane.

I don't feel safe running in my own immediate neighborhood. New graffiti surrounding our neighborhoods is a daily sight. I have the graffiti-abatement on speed-dial. It just sucks.

So, it's going to take a lot of effort and time, but know it will be more than worth it. Feeling safe just can't be undervalued.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Travis has always been kind of... different.

He's always been mellow, yet high-strung.

Confident, yet freaked out.

Slow to meet milestones.

He's had challenges - and didn't potty train until after he turned 4.

He's had always had motor skills issues. Routines, compulsions (light switches, pressing buttons, locking doors)

Repetitive tendencies. He repeats certain words, phrases, sounds. Things he hears on TV.. It has always driven me nuts.

Zippers and snaps confound him.

Buttons? Not a chance.

Shoe laces. Are you kidding me?

Food textures. Smells, He has a low gag-reflex.

He has always hated haircuts, getting his nails cut, showers, going to the dentist, brushing his teeth. Loud noises.

Sticky, muddy things. Finger paint. Sand. Clothing tags are always cut off. Socks with seams do not live in his sock drawer.

Yeah... all these seemingly "small" things are big things to him. I wrote most of them off as him just being particular... but I always wondered if there was something more.

I got him evaluated by an Occupational Therapist. She is certain he has Sensory Processing Disorder.

All these things together... combined with his inability to sit still, write legibly, hold a pencil correctly, cut food with the side of his fork... things we've been over and over again... frustrating things... there is a reason besides being stubborn, or lazy, or just defiant.

I ordered "The Out-of-Synch Child" as well as "The Out-of-Synch-Child Has Fun" from Amazon last night. I guess I have some reading to do.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Vacation, ha!

The last 16 days of no school have been really rough... Also, it's rained nearly every single day. Oh my gawd!!! I am losing my marbles! The kids bicker and smack each other around. They haven't slept in once!!

I am usually happy to get up before them and enjoy my coffee in a still-quiet house. Nope. They have been up before the sun... demanding things... Arguing...

I cannot wait until Tuesday morning! :)

~ Christine