Mom of My Dreams

Sunday, January 30, 2011


We have been doing well with the weaning.... Ashley has asked (especially in the middle of the night/early morning) to nurse. I have gently reminded her that there's no more nursing. I was lucky, too... we went up to my in-laws' last night. Also, my mother-in-law (who is awesome!) watched the kids so we could actually go out. The bedtime routine sans-nursing was something I was dreading. She went right to sleep for her. :)

We had a great evening. We went out for drinks, dinner, and a movie... and we really needed the break together.

But today has been really, really rough. Tantrums, meltdowns, freak-outs. And I'm sad for her, for us, for the end of this nursing relationship. Even though I know it's time, and with her there is NO other way than this....also, I have recently started new medication (Nuvaring) and will be starting another for my blood pressure, and it just needs to happen now. Nursing is something my body has been doing for 6 years. There were only a few months between when Travis weaned and when Ashley was born. My body never stopped making milk... it just changed back to colostrum.

So, the between the guilt for the abruptness/breastfeeding hormones/Nuvaring already messing with my hormones.... it's hitting me hard too, and I have been sensitive and tearful all afternoon.

I'm sure it gets easier, and better... and the next couple of weeks are going to be challenging as we both adjust. I just honestly had no idea I'd feel this fragile. I can only imagine how she feels. :(

Saturday, January 29, 2011

End of an Era

Tonight I made a decision. I read the kids their story, and tucked them into bed. Ashley was fidgety, and not wanting to go to sleep. We played musical beds for a bit, and she popped up and wanted back next to me.

I took her in my arms and rubbed her sweet face and ruffled her curly hair. "Ashley lovey, this is the last time we're going to nurse."

She looked at me, puzzled. "the milkies are all gone?"

"Yes, sweetie. You're a big girl now, and almost 3. Mommy will always snuggle with you, though. I love you."

She nodded, understanding. "I want to nurse one more time."

So, she did. She curled up in my arms. She patted my breast, and absently pulled at my tanktop. She snuggled into me for the odd-thousandth time, perhaps.

She nursed, and I felt her breathing regulate. She started to drop off to sleep and unlatch. Then she re-positioned herself in her sleep and nursed some more.

I kissed her hair, my arm encircling her head. I inhaled the sweet smell of my pre-schooler, committing this moment to memory.

I listened to the music on in the background and relished the calm and quiet. Then I fell asleep next to my sweet little girl.

~ Christine

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Potty Talk

I have been trying to get Ashley to agree to use the potty. She is sooo damned smart... yet so damned stubborn. We have the potties, the panties, the pull-ups, the books, the videos. We talk about it ALL THE TIME. She sits, and sits, and sits. And, nothing. Then, as soon as I put underwear or a Pull-up on her - without fail, she goes. It's so frustrating... but then again what isn't about this child? :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Slow going...

We starting sorting through the chaos that is our garage this weekend... wow. Just wow. We have accumulated so much STUFF!! Honestly, some of it isn't even ours... we're storing a bunch of stuff for my mom and Jeff's sister. Also, a ton of baby equipment that will be re-homed between Jeff's cousin due in March with a baby boy, as well as our good friends finding out they are newly expecting.

Even cardboard boxes from both TVs, and such we've saved in case they need to be returned... all broken down and will be taken to the dump. This move is going to suck and be amazing at the same time...

I checked out a friend of a friend's house for rent a couple of weeks ago. It was very cute, and cozy... but had some flaws. The most obvious isn't a flaw, really. It is available NOW. We are... well...not.

Also, the kitchen storage and counters (or lack thereof) - yeah. I think the kitchen for me is the #1 place I spend time. So, it's really important that that room be substantial. I know I am not going to find anywhere with as many drawers and cabinets as I have now...not to mention the island with the power plug. Sigh.

But honestly... it's all secondary to THIS! (drop down to "show 100")

Near daily homicides, attempted homicides, robberies... it's just insane.

I don't feel safe running in my own immediate neighborhood. New graffiti surrounding our neighborhoods is a daily sight. I have the graffiti-abatement on speed-dial. It just sucks.

So, it's going to take a lot of effort and time, but know it will be more than worth it. Feeling safe just can't be undervalued.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Travis has always been kind of... different.

He's always been mellow, yet high-strung.

Confident, yet freaked out.

Slow to meet milestones.

He's had challenges - and didn't potty train until after he turned 4.

He's had always had motor skills issues. Routines, compulsions (light switches, pressing buttons, locking doors)

Repetitive tendencies. He repeats certain words, phrases, sounds. Things he hears on TV.. It has always driven me nuts.

Zippers and snaps confound him.

Buttons? Not a chance.

Shoe laces. Are you kidding me?

Food textures. Smells, He has a low gag-reflex.

He has always hated haircuts, getting his nails cut, showers, going to the dentist, brushing his teeth. Loud noises.

Sticky, muddy things. Finger paint. Sand. Clothing tags are always cut off. Socks with seams do not live in his sock drawer.

Yeah... all these seemingly "small" things are big things to him. I wrote most of them off as him just being particular... but I always wondered if there was something more.

I got him evaluated by an Occupational Therapist. She is certain he has Sensory Processing Disorder.

All these things together... combined with his inability to sit still, write legibly, hold a pencil correctly, cut food with the side of his fork... things we've been over and over again... frustrating things... there is a reason besides being stubborn, or lazy, or just defiant.

I ordered "The Out-of-Synch Child" as well as "The Out-of-Synch-Child Has Fun" from Amazon last night. I guess I have some reading to do.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Vacation, ha!

The last 16 days of no school have been really rough... Also, it's rained nearly every single day. Oh my gawd!!! I am losing my marbles! The kids bicker and smack each other around. They haven't slept in once!!

I am usually happy to get up before them and enjoy my coffee in a still-quiet house. Nope. They have been up before the sun... demanding things... Arguing...

I cannot wait until Tuesday morning! :)

~ Christine