Mom of My Dreams

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wrapping up the year

So, as much as I'm a blogfail this year... I believe overall my One Little Word choice for this year (follow-through) was successful.

In 2010 I followed through with:

~ I joined Weight Watchers and lost the equivalent of my 2 year old in weight. A few pounds +/-5 have crept back... but I am armed with the new Points Plus Plan... and am re-committing. RIGHT after Christmas.

~ I started a running plan. ME! A self-proclaimed exercise-hater.

~ I ran a 5K in June 2010. Ran. The whole thing. Stopping only twice to drink a sip of water.

~ I registered for the San Francisco Half Marathon for July 2011.

~ I built a Square Foot Garden and enjoyed lots of garden-fresh produce over the summer. Peas, radishes, summer squash, arugula, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, basil, cilantro, thyme, parsley. I have never been able to grow anything... so this was a huge accomplishment for me.

~ I started making time for myself... baby steps.

~ I started relaxing my standards for myself and others. This is huge, and difficult for me to do... I am my own worst critic... and sometimes I just need to tell her to STFU.

And, this final thing may not feel like "follow-through"... (in fact to most it probably seems like quite the opposite... it is)

After much deliberation, we have decided we are not as happy as we were trying to make ourselves believe we were with our house decision. At the time it was the "smart thing" to do... the rents in Monterey for a 3 bedroom were comparable to our mortgage in our 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath 2,200+ square foot house with walk in closets and a huge master bedroom.

Fast forward two years... The rapidly declining property value, and sharply increasing crime rate... the expense of the mortgage, PLUS the extra $600-700 a month in gas...the maxed-out credit card, and depleted savings accounts. There were a lot of things considered. Yes, the house is nice, and big and modern. But it also has things about it that bug us a lot. It's BIG. It's COLD. And it's got 15 foot tall ceilings in the living room... meaning every sound is magnified and echoes. To the point where I physically can't handle the sound. Like the yelling, screaming kids EVERY SINGLE DAY!

The spiral staircase, as dramatic and nice as it was when we moved in here with a non-walking 6-month-old is a now a daily nightmare with a dare-devil 2.5 year old. Ashley routinely scales the outer spindles, and leaps to the bottom from 4 stairs up. Also, today, she dropped a large toy from the top landing downstairs onto her brother's foot below. The 3 bathrooms take me forever to clean. There is wall-to-wall WHITE carpet upstairs... in the BATHROOM - you get the point here?

Also, there's the leaking roof from last spring we haven't been able to afford afford to fix, the backyard that needs complete landscaping, the back gate that's holding on by a thread and needs replacing. The silverfish and spiders, and wasps, that manage to encroach on us in no matter what we do...

Travis is afraid to go upstairs (even in the daytime) by himself, and hasn't been able to sleep in his own room since we moved in. Our neighbors (on both sides) have teenagers that play in garage bands. EVERY DAY in the summer, and most of the days during school breaks and every weekend. For HOURS. It sucks.

Ashley spends a HUGE amount of time in her carseat. Every school day we take Travis to school and then pick him up - out of our district (because as nice as the house is... the school district is abysmal)

It's 25-30 minutes each way. So, Ashley (and I) spend 2 hours a day MINIMUM in the car. Then there is the constant worry about leaving the house on time which turns me into a crabby, yelling maniac. That does not count the time we spend when she has gymnastics (in Monterey) or on the weekends when we just want to go to a NICE park, and Trader Joes.

So, soon, our home will once again be yet another red icon on Zillow... and we will take the hit to our credit, and try to move on. We are moving back to Monterey. Not with our tails between our legs in defeat... but with our heads held high with a sigh of relief. We are not sure exactly when or how, but we have set things in motion. The phone calls are already starting... Ironically enough, it doesn't take much, apparently, you just stop paying (which we did this month) and it kinda automatically proceeds from there.

I will say it feels very "wrong" to make this decision... when technically we "can afford it" but really, we know we can't - at least not at the expense of our happiness and mental well-being... and also scrutinizing every dollar we spend is just not how we want to live. If that makes me a "bad person" or "selfish" then so be it.

But I plan on making 2011 the best year yet. New beginnings, new adventures. Where one door closes, another opens, and it will be amazing to see where the journey takes us.

Also, this brings me to my new word.

My word for 2011 is OPEN.

Here's to:
Finding OPEN doors
Having an OPEN Heart
Keeping an OPEN mind
Embracing life and love with OPEN arms
Running on the OPEN Road (especially as I train for my first Half-marathon)
Being OPEN to the possibilities
Remaining OPEN to change
Staying OPEN to improvement


Nellie said...

You've inspired me to really think about my OLW. What a year for you guys. Your family is all that matters, and you're proving that.

Love you! xoxoxo!

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